Barking at Shadows

Redstate's resident guard dog, Moe Lane, rousts himself from sniffing out heresies in the comments threads long enough to bark half-heartedly at incoming Senate majority leader Harry Reid. It seems Mr. Reid and five other senators will keep their appointments with leaders of three South American nations rather than warm chairs at former President Gerald Ford's funeral.

The AP's Dennis Conrad reports:

WASHINGTON - Incoming Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid will miss the state funeral for former President Gerald Ford at the Capitol Rotunda on Saturday night, opting instead to lead a delegation to South America with an expected stop at the Machu Picchu Inca ruins.

Reid, D-Nev., left Wednesday afternoon from Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland with a bipartisan group of five other senators, including Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Ill., the incoming assistant majority leader, for what has been described as a weeklong visit to Bolivia, Ecuador and Peru.

The highlight of the trip is said to be separate meetings with the presidents of the three nations, with the last one scheduled in Peru on Tuesday afternoon.

"It's Not Like It Was Carter or Anything" woofs Mr. Lane. Mr. Lane joins Hugh Hewitt, Captain's Quarters, and many other conservatives in excoriating Mr. Reid and party for failing to postpone their long-planned diplomatic venture in favor of a couple of hours of eulogizing. Not one can manage a moment's hesitation before hurdling to the conclusion that a senator's failure to attend the funeral of an ex-president is without precedent.

However, Mr. Lane, quite unlike his conservative confreres, reserves the greater share of his ire for the two Republican senators on the trip, Judd Gregg and Robert Bennett:

Bad Senators! BAD! There's a former President lying in state at Capitol! You don't go to South America on vacation - yeah, we noticed that it's nice and warm down there - when that happens! And don't you dare tell me that Harry Reid and the others said that you could go. They're Democrat[ic politician]s**, so they don't know any better*. We expect you to.

"Woof, woof," barks Mr. Lane, reminding us for all the world of a chained-up mutt barking at anyone who dares pass on the street:

Gregg, do you want to end up like Chafee? We dumped him - and we needed him for a majority. Bennett, do you see anywhere in the federal or State Constitutions where it says 'the people of Utah will have at least one Senator with the name of Bob Bennett'? That's right, you don't... and no, writing it in the margins doesn't count.

Sheesh. Try to... no. No try. Remember why you are in Washington in the first place. Even if all of the people around you are busy forgetting. Especially if the all of the people around you are busy forgetting. You can reschedule your trip for later. The South American governments will understand; this is a legitimate reason for postponing the visit. And even if they don't, you two will still not embarrass us like this in public.

You will not. (Lane's emphasis.)

"Remember why you are in Washington in the first place," instructs Mr. Lane, but he forgets to bring the point home. What duty is it that Mssrs.Gregg and Bennett need to remember? Mr. Lane doesn't say. Apparently, these gentlemen have been sent to Washington to attend funerals and other celebrations of the accomplishments of politicians past. Mr. Lane, at least, recognizes their existence. Mr. Hewitt, et al, seem to have overlooked the members of the traveling party with big, red R's after their names.

But what's most amusing is Lane's threatening tone. "We dumped him"? Well, nevermind Mr. Lane's fantasy that it was conservative Republicans and not the voters of Rhode Island who retired Mr. Chaffee. And nevermind Mr. Lane's presumption in speaking for either. He's on a roll. Let him go.

Meanwhile, back to the puzzling work of Mr. Conrad at the AP. In his lede, Mr. Conrad hurries to tell us that Harry Reid is going sightseeing instead of bowing his head in respect to the departed Mr. Ford. But just two paragraphs later, Conrad tells us that the highlight of the trip is "said to be" a set of meetings with the leaders of Bolivia, Peru, and Ecuador.

Later, Mr. Conrad explains:

The senators are also scheduled to be in Cuzco, Peru, on Sunday, which would give them an opportunity to view the nearby Inca ruins and anything else in advance of New Year's Eve.

Why, the senators will be in Cuzco which is quite near the ruins!! he observes. What's more, they'll have an opportunity to view the ruins "and anything else"! Before New Year's Eve!!

Perhaps if Mr. Lane and company would bother to read past the first graf of the story, they'd realize that they, like bored guard dogs, are barking at a passing shadow, the rustling of leaves, or some other phantom they've transmogrified into monsters of their own invention.